When Matt and I got married we knew we wanted to try and have kids right away. We were actually hoping for a honeymoon baby! We didn't get our honeymoon baby in October and I also didn't get pregnant in November. I was frustrated. I know I shouldn't have been, a lot of people wait much longer, but I was tired of taking pregnancy tests and getting negatives. In January I decided I wasn't taking any test until I was at least a week late! On January 11th Matt and I went on a four wheeler right. Matt ate a hamburger that had onions on it and I was gagging from his breath. I told him " Wow that must have been a strong onion!" He said he didn't think so. The next day the 12th I was two days late. I decided I couldn't wait any longer and decided to take a test. After a few minutes I saw a faint pink line, I brought it out to Matt and we held it up to the light and sure enough there was a line there that was getting darker by the minute! I couldn't believe it! We were both so happy! We cried like babies together. I took two more tests just to make sure I was pregnant, both were also positive so I was finally fully convinced I was pregnant! We figured out I was four weeks and two days along and that our baby's due date was September 18th. I was sick on and off, but nothing too terrible. I called the Dr and was told he wanted to see me for the first time at 7 weeks. I was sooooo nervous. I kept thinking what if he doesn't find anything, what if our baby isn't alive? So many things ran through my mind. It may sound silly, but from the moment I found out I was pregnant I fell in love with our baby, finally a child of our own. This baby was a miracle for both Matt and I. We had waited a long time to be parents, a short time together, but a long time before being together. The day of our doctor's appt. finally came! It was on February 3rd. I was nervous, but excited too. The Dr. checked me, asked me a few questions and then said "Okay let's go in and see if we can see the baby and the heartbeat." He also warned us that this early you couldn't see anything yet, so not to be alarmed if we didn't. We went into the ultrasound room and I was so nervous to the point that I was shaking. He put the gel on my stomach and within a few minutes said "There's your baby! and that little flicker you see if your baby's heartbeat." I was so excited and relieved! He printed out out a little picture and we got to see our first child. It was an amazing experience. We went home and were so happy! My next appt. wasn't until March 3rd, but the Dr. told us if we wanted to come back for a better picture on Feb. 18th we could. We went in on the 18th and were so excited to see our baby again! After laying on the table for a few minutes I knew something was wrong. The Dr. Was searching all over my stomach for the heartbeat and I could tell he was finding nothing. He had me get up and go to the bathroom, so he could try again. I cried so hard while I was in there I couldn't believe this was happening. I came back out and he tried again, but still found nothing. I was almost 10 weeks and he told us the baby was measuring at 7 1/2 weeks. He sent me over for blood work and set us up with an ultrasound tech at the hospital who had a better machine. The appt was in the morning, but he had me do the blood work before we left. I hate needles they are one of my worst fears. I've had a few shots, but I avoid them at all costs. On this day though I sat there numb and didn't feel a thing. Even though the Dr. told us not to give up hope until we knew for sure, I knew, I knew our baby was gone. This little human being who I already loved more than life was gone. That night was one of the longest of my life. I don't think either of us slept much at all. Matt got up and went to work and I stayed home and waited for the call that the ultrasound tech was ready for us. The call came, Matt came home and we went to the hospital. The ultrasound tech tried every angle and everything she could, but there was no heartbeat. I already knew it and I could tell from the look on her face that it wasn't good. She confirmed to us that the baby was gone. She left and told us to take all the time we needed. Matt and I just hugged each other and cried. The little baby we loved so much was now living with our Heavenly Father.
They sent us in to talk to the doctor there where he told us this happens so much that on the first one they don't run tests or anything. He assured us we didn't do anything wrong, asked if we had any questions and then sent us back to our doctor to talk about options. When we got back to Dr. Thompson he told us we had a few options. I could get a DNC, he could give me pills to force the miscarriage, or we could wait for the miscarriage to happen on its own, he didn't recommend this because we would never know where we would be when that did happen. We decided we would use the pills and I would take the next three days off work. Matt had to go back to work and I went home. I started to bleed within a few hours and the sadness set in. I couldn't believe my baby was gone and within a few hours I would no longer be pregnant. I started to cramp really bad by the time Matt got home I was in terrible pain and felt a really strong urge to push. By 7:00 that night I had passed our little baby. Matt and I cried and cried it was so hard. I could have never made it through this without my amazing husband. He was there for me every step of the way while hurting so bad himself. He is my strength and my world. Matt is truly my very best friend and the man I have been waiting for my whole life. I'm so thankful for my Savior and the love we felt from Him through all of this. We had so many friends and family reach out to us. We are so grateful to everyone who was there for us and helped us get through this. We know that no matter what we will always be parents. We became parents the day we heard our baby's heartbeat. We feel our baby so close at times. It may sound silly but on really hard days I feel her wrap her arms around me and tell me it's okay Mommy I'm here. I feel her through prayer daily. We know that as hard as it is we must have faith in The Lord's timing and trust that we will be parents here on the earth when the time is right.
